I've been AWOL for a couple of weeks because of vacation, but I'm back and have very little in the way of valuable things about which to write (shocking, I know). I can say that my unpaid writing gig has grown by leaps and bounds (except for the money part) over the past couple of weeks. I've found an opportunity to write about cars on a daily basis, and I've made some solid PR connections to actually test drive more cars myself. My most recent opportunity was actually somewhat dreaded. Let me start by saying that I loathe giant, purposeless SUVs that are driven to the strip mall in Naperville by women on cell phones. I mean, what's the point in driving something that has enough torque to warp the earth's crust, enough size to transport half of the Chicago Bulls and enough off-road capability to traverse potholes on Lake Shore Drive with ease, only to lollygag it in the left lane while doing your mascara? SUVs are for camping, off-roading and tranporting lumber. I wish I had ordered the heat-seeking missiles option every time I see SUVs in lazy butt mode, doing nothing but take up precious space. Plus, all they do is block your view and take up 1.5 parking spaces. It's just plain annoying.Well, lo and behold, I have been given the "opportunity" to test drive the all-new Infiniti QX56 land barge this week. I remember the first time Renae and I saw this beast on Lake Shore Drive several months ago. It looked like a melted mobile home. In a word, fugly. Well, it was dropped off at our condo this week to test, and we luckily got one in a darker color (which actually manages to make it look smaller, if that's possible). The interior is like a private jet. Leather everywhere, techno doo-dads that dizzy the mind and even a heated steering wheel. The first time I boarded it, I felt like I was hovering instead of driving. I was worried that the car was so wide that I would sideswipe just about everything else on the road. I'd pull up next to Cadillac Escalades and utterly dwarf them. My borrowed SUV was faster, had more features and had a grille the size of a chain link fence. In a bizarre and partially embarrassing way, I actually started feeling pretty good about myself... until I looked at the abysmal gas mileage. For something this thirsty, it should be measured in gpm (gallons per mile). I averaged 10.3 mpg on my commute. That's up there with V12 Ferraris and the Space Shuttle Discovery. Now, also keep in mind that this hulking behemoth has a 400 horsepower V8. That's nothing to sneeze at, even with a car this heavy. Well, I've been pretty good about keeping my driving speeds down (especially since I now take the train to work), and I thought I couldn't go that fast in this thing. I was wrong. I was trying to pass a sloth in the left lane the other day and got on the throttle in the Infiniti, and it took off like an iron sarcophagus with booster rockets. I was seriously impressed. Soon enough, I was at 80 mph on Lake Shore Drive, and I had to slow down, otherwise I'd become the fastest moving object with its own gravitational field.
So, I'm nearly a quarter of the way through this resolution year, and I'm breaking #3 in an entirely new vehicle. Plus, I have become the giant SUV driver I normally despise intensely. Believe it or not, I love this thing. It's no sports car, mind you, but it is kind of a Sports Bus. It handles surprisingly well for its size, it doesn't have an overly mushy suspension, and it goes like stink. It also affords me to write about it from a unique angle and though it causes me to break Resolution #3, it does help me keep Resolution #1. So what if it looks like a car got stung by a million bees and holds more gas than the Exxon Valdez? Okay, so it's still fugly. I still want one. It'll eat Prii for breakfast.
