Resolution #6 Update: Irresistible Force Fail

Suffice it to say that marriage is the great equalizer. Just when you think you're capable and competent, marriage comes along an works you over with all the subtlety of a snow plow attached to the front of a rocket sled. You both come into the marriage with different perspectives, a different upbringing and different issues and problems. You also bring different gifts and qualities. It is a mixed bag. Sometimes a scared and pissed off cat gets thrown into that same bag. You get the idea. Ah yes, and there is fighting in marriage. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either visiting our planet temporarily or drugged most of the time. This blog is meant to highlight both my progress and failure. For me, these are consistently unequal stacks, with the latter being at least twice as high as the former.

This weekend was no exception. I got bent out of shape over a misinterpretation of something my wife said (this is not uncommon in marriage, as husband and wife regularly speak two different languages. Wife = english (e.g., "I just need you to understand me."); Husband = Hulkspeak (e.g., "Hulk no understand.")). Invariably, this can lead to some amount of trouble. Unfortunately, for my wife, this oft lack of understanding is also combined with plain dumb anger. I get something into my head and I'm like a lumbering ox running at wall. I'm gonna get through it no matter what. I want to win. I want to be victorious in our argument, but I do it with all the gentleness of piano being dropped out of a 10 story window. Instead of taking the time to ask questions or to take "time out" to cool off, I can fly off the handle and say things I don't mean. Later, after I've calmed down (which typically involves food), she tells me, "I didn't mean what you think I meant.  And just like Hulk's alter ego, Bruce Banner, I can actually understand english when I calm down. So, I hug my wife and tell her that I'm sorry. I take the time to hear her out and we talk. And it's good. We spend the evening together walking and talking about life and I remember everything that I cherish about her. Okay, so I joke about the stupidity (partially, at least) on the part of husbands. Society portrays us that way, probably because we tend to do some pretty hairbrained things. But I don't think most of us are dumb. We're just prideful, stubborn and tend to rush in head first, but the truth is that we are designed to initiate and that means to initiate good things in our marriages rather than react. We are called to gently lead and to love our wives. Now that's masculine, not dumb. Hulk love wife.